The Alice and Uluru

February 26th - 28th - Alice Springs

When I watched Crocodile Dundee as a child I remember the tanned topless Mick Dundee effortlessly strolling through the baking outback killing crocodiles and sleeping in the open air without a care in the world.

So far our experience with Crocodiles showed that I was barely capable of driving to the crocodile tour without panicking over blowing out a tyre let alone svelt enough to kill a massive croc. Hopefully a full-on outback experience would confirm that Holly and I were hardened, rugged explorers ready to be pushed to our limits....

We organised a tour through The Rock Tour company based in Alice Springs in the very heart of Australia. The 23 hour overnight train ride on The Ghan from Darwin to 'The Alice' was difficult enough. A Dutch couple were talking (screaming) non stop all night keeping everybody up.

The Ghan is sold as the pinnacle of luxury travel across the outback with views of rolling deserts and kangaroos bouncing alongside. Its website boasts of travel similar to the Orient Express, your ears are filled with music moving through the decades from 1900 onwards. Unfortunately we didn't have £600 for a gold or £1000+ for a platinum ticket so traveled in the uneconomical red (economy) seats...

We arrived in Alice knackered as the drunk Dutch bloke had a mini seizure on the train (obviously) prompting me to help out (basically a chance to tell him he shouldn't have been up all night drinking and being such a ....) but he survived and wandered off the train after some rest, ignoring my plea for him to go to hospital.

The Ghan is actually cool in that it was so difficult to conquer the Northern Territory that they didn't complete the Adelaide (south) to Darwin (north) railway section from Alice Springs to Darwin until 2003.

We went to visit the flying doctor museum in the afternoon we arrived which was really cool. They have a state of the art museum detailing the flights made by their team all over Australia.

After resting for one night in town we were picked up at 5am by Nick our Rock Tour guide. Holly asked me where he was from based on his accent. I confidently said 'somewhere outside Brisbane' - unfortunately we later found out he was from Denmark, ruining my reputation for detecting accents.

We picked up about 10 other people from a big party hostel nearby (who we both thought must be all under 21) and set off on a 4 hour drive to King's Canyon in the real outback. We were given 6 clear rules (detailed in a photo below) which gave us an idea of what we were in for. It also prompted me to move my Leatherman swiss army knife into my pocket within easy reach...

What we quickly realised about the outback is that there is really nothing to see most of the time. It is remarkably flat, with endless plains of painfully dry, red soil dotted with shrubs and small trees. Everything appears at the mercy of the sun, and when it rises above the horizon, you can be sure to see nothing else moving out in the open except some snakes and....... the flies! They get into every part of your face and try and drink the water from your eyes, interrupting that briefly to burrow into your ears and probably try and lay some eggs...... Minging.

We completed several 7km hikes over the next 3 days in 40 degree heat which was a real challenge and pushed us to the limits of dehydration. My Celtic skin held out pretty well with 3 times daily application of factor 50. We were lucky enough to have the fitness to complete the hikes, some didn't and i'm sure the flies contributed. 

Our first night was spent camping outside in the middle of nowhere in a 'swag' - essentially a khaki zip up bag with a foam padded mattress inside. We were advised to draw snake lines around our swags to keep the snakes away (apparently they can sense the temperature difference in the sand and don't cross the line). We were told on the way home that this was absolute bollocks and was designed to help us sleep better!! It didn't work (apart from for Holly who slept like a baby!). 

We woke up to a baby dingo running around the camp. Throughout the night me and one of our guides Luke were watching the dingoes circling the camp by shining our torches into the darkness to be met by several pairs of eyes! Scary times, especially when you've been made to watch 'The Grey' with Liam Neeson by your parents (it's about wolves).

The 2nd day we went to Uluru (Ayer's Rock). We learnt the history of the rock and it's importance to the local Aboriginal people. It forms part of their dreamtime stories form their oral history. These are crucial to their survival in the local desert environment housing several waterholes and sources of food around it's base and we learnt how they use the rock as a diagramatic representation of the directions to the nearest waterholes and best sources of food. 

Climbing the rock is comparable to burning down a church to the Aboriginal people although you can still do it. After learning the history none of us wanted to climb it out of respect. The nearby King's Canyon walk gives you enough stunning views anyway and it's just disrespectful to ruin one of the last pieces of a culture already decimated by European settlement.

The sunset view of Uluru - that classic orange picture you see on the TV - was absolutely amazing. It was a cloudy and rainy afternoon nearby and the clouds blocked most of the sun. At sunset the rock is supposed to glow a magnificent orange for a few minutes as it catches the light and we were so worried we wouldn't get to see it happen. That sounds like a selfish tourist mentality but when you've slept outside, hiked kilometres in 40 degree heat, drunk litres and litres of hot water (there is no cold water in the outback!) everyday to keep going, the reward of natural wonders really mean a lot more.

We witnessed the phenomenon and it really was worth the wait. The next morning we made it to the rock for sunrise and completed the 8 km hike around the base of the rock. This was a breeze as it was completely flat and cloudy. 

From here we were driven back to Alice Springs (5 hour drive!) and met with the members of the tour in the local bar. To our surprise they were mostly in their late twenties and upwards so we must just feel older than we are! Our tour guide (responsible for our lives in the outback) was 23, from Denmark and had only been doing it for 6 months!! But his enthusiasm and knowledge far surpassed his experience and it really was a true Aussie outback experience. 

I'd recommend it to anybody. You can even fly directly to Ayer's Rock airport now and there's a 5 star resort 20 minutes from the actual rock if you don't fancy camping with dingoes. So no excuses!! Next stop Adelaide!!